Couples Counseling San Jose and Campbell, CA
“I don’t feel like you’re listening to me”
Sound familiar? It does for hundreds and thousands of couples, unfortunately. Communication is one of the number one reasons why people struggle in their relationships. When a couple is able to communicate well and they both put a consistent effort in staying closely connected to one another, the relationship can be intoxicating, thrilling, and bring so much happiness to our lives. When it’s not going so well, it can feel like the biggest hurdle to overcome and feelings of hopelessness, negativity and anger can overwhelm us.Oftentimes, couples will put off seeing a therapist for their relationship. Many people have the misconception that if you’re needing couples counseling now, your relationship is doomed. Well, here at Uplift, we are here to tell you that that couldn’t be further from the truth! It is absolutely essential to reach out for help sooner rather than later when it comes to your relationship. There are some telltale signs that your relationship needs some extra support and attention, like:
- Noticing an increase in anger, irritability, and hostility towards one another
- Feeling distant, both physically and emotionally
- Not enjoying each other’s company as much as you used to
- Arguing and fighting more frequently, with no resolution or peace following these interactions
- Trust issues
Another common experience people have is they think they have failed if they admit to themselves that their relationship may benefit from couples counseling. This also couldn’t be more untrue! We aren’t born with the skills necessary to have a successful and thriving relationship. We often repeat unhealthy behaviors that were modeled to us when we were young, and unless we’ve been intentional about changing these behaviors, they’ll repeat without our awareness.
The good news? It’s not too late. Our Uplift couples therapists can help you navigate and overcome these struggles in your relationship. You will feel supported, understood, and heard in ways that may be life changing for you.
Keeping your love alive and thriving can feel like the biggest hurdle in your relationship.
We understand how life and its challenges can really get in the way of being able to focus on your relationship, especially if you have loved ones you’re taking care of or you both have busy jobs. How is there enough time to take care of yourself, your loved ones, maintain a job, and keep your relationship thriving? It can feel too much, and many couples are experiencing this. If you’re reading this, your likely struggling with one of the following most common challenges in relationships:
- Communication
- Trust
- Intimacy
- An Affair
- It feels like you’re roommates
- A never ending family geud
- Mismatched parenting styles
- Feeling contempt towards one another
- Lack of attraction
- Money
If you don’t see your primary struggle on the list, that’s okay! Our couples therapist treats a wide range of issues, and we’re certain we can help you reconnect with your partner, and finally feel like you are both back on track to feeling loved, connected, and well equipped with the tools you need to have a thriving and successful relationship.
What to Expect From Couples Therapy and Your First Visit
Maybe you’re still thinking about making an appointment, and if it’s the right decision for you and your partner. I bet you’re thinking, “Gosh, what would happen during this session?” If you’re feeling anxious, you’re not alone! To help you feel more comfortable, here are some things you can expect in your first session.
- Initial Assessment. This is where your therapist will focus on understanding each person’s needs, desires, and goals, as well as the way in which each of you prefer to communicate and receive feedback. We have you both fill out a couples questionnaire so your therapist has some basic ideas about what you’re hoping to get out of therapy right from the beginning
- Tell your story. In the first session, you might be asked to share how you met, discuss your individual childhood experiences, previous relationship history, past experiences in the relationship, etc. Gathering this type of information can help the therapist understand and possibly make connections to the current issues that you’re experiencing.
- Active Listening. This involves truly listening to what your partner is saying, rather than just waiting for a chance to speak. Active listening helps to build understanding and trust in the relationship. This is a key component to improving your relationship and it can be where you notice you and your partner truly reconnecting.
- Guidance. Many clients feel overwhelmed with trying to come up with solutions. Don’t worry about that. Your therapist can help guide you with what information to share, how to work towards better understanding one another, and how to practice certain techniques that will help your relationship.
- Cultivate Empathy. Developing empathy for each other’s experiences and feelings couldn’t be stressed enough in couples therapy. This will involve understanding each person’s emotional state and how it affects how they show up in the relationship. It also involves developing a sense of compassion of your partner’s feelings and struggles.
- Conflict Resolution: This will involve learning effective communication skills. Your therapist will encourage you to practice techniques in session and invite you to practice them at home. This will allow both of you to feel like you’re working towards understanding each other’s needs and desires in order to resolve conflicts in a healthy and constructive way.
And at the end of your therapy, you will have learned…
- How to develop new communication skills and strategies that allow you to feel heard and understood
- Improve physical and emotional intimacy
- Rebuild trust and a foundation of security in your relationship
- Learn more about each other’s love languages, needs, and expectations in the relationship
- Feel more confidence in one another to work through conflicts and disagreements in ways that feel healthier and more productive
How do I find the right therapist for me and my partner?
This is a great question. There are a lot of good therapists and sometimes it can be hard to figure out who is the right fit for you. Even if you think that it’s hard to tell within the first session, it can still be a pretty good indicator of how much you felt heard/understood and whether you feel that the therapist can help with the issues you’re facing.
Another thing to consider when you’re deciding this is to reflect on how open you felt and if there was any sense that you were being judged or criticized by the therapist. You want to make sure that you don’t feel like the therapist is being biased. Sure, the therapist might challenge one or both partners at times, but you want to feel secure that the therapist isn’t always siding with one partner. Ultimately, you and your partner both want to feel comfortable with the therapist.
Good Fit
Here at Uplift Psychology Group, we value building strong relationships with each person we work with, and creating an environment that allow you and your partner to feel accepted, understood, and safe to share some of your most intimate fears and thoughts.
If you have any questions or concerns about starting with your first San Jose couples counseling, don’t hesitate. Just ask us through an email or over the phone!
Please call us to set up a free consultation. We serve San Jose, Santa Clara, Campbell, Los Gatos, Mountain View, Los Altos, and all the rest of Silicon Valley. You can reach us at (408) 404-5983… call or text!